I'm starting to grow tired of feeling lonely. My husband has been gone since Friday and all I can think about when I go to bed alone is that it's going to be like this the rest of my life (or at least the rest of the time I am married /until he retires) Its going to be lonely nights, dinner without Dad, missed birthdays and anniversaries, Dad missing games and school plays. He decided to join the Coast Guard to provide our family with not only a steady income but with excellent benefits. I should be happy and grateful for everything he is giving me and my daughter.

But I can't be. Maybe part of it is because when he is home I don't feel the love I think I deserve or maybe part of it is being younger I imagined my life so much different. I am 19, married and with a baby. I imagined getting engaged, my wedding being beautiful and me in a breathtaking dress. Not at the courthouse 7 months pregnant and hardly being able to say my vows because of braxton hicks contractions. I thought my husband would be someone I could count on to protect me every night, someone who told me I love you before I fell asleep and encouraged me to be my best. When I try to talk to my SO about different ideas of what I want to do in my life he seems so uninterested it makes me feel like curling up in a ball and drifting away from everything. I had to move a month after having a baby to a new place where I have no family or friends. It is so hard for me to make friends because I am extremely shy and to some people it comes off being snobbish.

I'm not saying I want to end my marriage or complaining that I decided to become a mom at such a young age, I just needed to vent. Sometimes I say I need to go to the store and I drive really far away..but I always come back home because deep down I love my husband and my daughter very much that their happiness means more to me than my own.

Anyone else a military spouse or in a relationship that is long distance? What do you do when you feel the pressure of it all weighing down on you?

                                                

    My little girl just turned 3 months old today and already I have perfected my nod and smile to strangers who love to give me advice on how to raise my child. I realize that some people just say things to make small talk so for the most part I don't even let it bother me at all. Even during my pregnancy I heard A LOT of different parenting "tips" from people. I guess because I'm 19 strangers thought I needed it more than others.              
      Once a lady even told me that my husband probably wouldn't last longer than 2 years with me. I was waiting for a burrito at Baja Fresh and it was a very awkward ten minutes with a ghetto fabulous older lady.
        Anyways where I am trying to get to is I love to read Momaroo posts and a good bulk of the people who reply to these posts don't even have children. I understand some women are in the process of trying or adopting but a lot are not. A lot are young girls who think they can put their two cents in about something they know nothing about. Being pregnant and having a child is an experience that is inconceivable until it happens to you. It really infuriates me to see girls here on Xanga replying to posts of how awful they think it is for a mother to do this or allow her child to do that.  Of course the always begin with "I don't have kids but you shouldn't blah blah blah"
       Try incubating and having a baby and than you can see that just because you shove a human out of your vagina doesn't turn you into June Cleaver. Being a mom is one of the hardest things in the world and no one is perfect. My daughter is my world but I have struggles such as smoking or feeling like even at 3 months that she watches too much tv but for me to hear from someone who doesn't even have children to judge a mother who is only human is just frustrating to me.
     So what do you all think do I just have a lot of hormones going crazy or does this bother anyone else?